Post by mrexpendable on Jan 6, 2010 18:17:14 GMT -5
(Yes, I am still alive)
Remember on the last meeting, when we all had to sit through Advent Children again and some of us decided to do some improv fandubbing? Well, here it is fully finished. Warning, it's long.
Background from Final Fantasy VII
So there's a big stream of Mountain Dew that courses throughout all the planet. Many years ago, Jenova ordered a giant pizza for the planet to accompany the Mountain Dew, and it was very tasty, I assure you. However, during the local Oprah's book club meet, Jenova called dibs on the last slice of the pizza, but she never got it despite also winning rock-paper-scissors. She went home outraged. Now Jenova's son, Sephiroth, was an NTiT (Ninja Turtle in-Training) and losing the last slice of pizza without honoring the dibs system, shotgunning, and RPS is to him the greatest disgrace. Sephiroth decided to order another pizza for the planet, but this time he was not going to share with anyone (except maybe Mom). Not to mention, Sephiroth was also going to drink all the Mountain Dew, because all that pizza makes you thirsty.
There's a bit of a conflict regarding the planet's Mountain Dew though. Since Mountain Dew is the most refreshing soda on the planet, Rufus the Naked Mole Rat and head of Shinra wanted it all for himself. Shinra Company's plan was to trick Sephiroth into getting the Mountain Dew for them via the Disney fanclub program MOUSEKETEER. With nothing to wash down all that pizza, Sephiroth will be forced to bargain with them. This did not pan out because Sephiroth was smart enough to deceive Rufus with weaksauce Mountain Dew Code Red and horrid tasting diet Mountain Dew.
Cue the entry of the freeloading whiner and ex-Mickey Mouseketeer Cloud Strife with his party (or as he alone calls it, his "posse"). Cloud literally complained about literally wanting a slice of the pie, and everyone else on the planet wanted him to shut up. So to kill two birds with one stone, the community unanimously decided to have Cloud get Sephiroth to share by tormenting him with super emo pouting, that way nobody but the greedy Sephiroth would have to put up with it. The reason why Cloud had "friends" was to ensure he would not get distracted from his mission by things like a nearby Hot Topic or a new My Chemical Romance CD. Along the way Aeris got sent to the Shadow Realm from dueling Sephiroth, causing Cloud to power up his emo. Cloud's party did defeat Sephiroth, but the pizza got cold, the world was still just as ruined as before, and there was barely any Mountain Dew left for the pizza. To make matters worse, Cloud was still alive.
The "Plot"
Welcome to scenic Midgar, home of gray skies and the largest welfare money sinkhole on the planet. The epidemic of the day is AIDSga (stronger than AIDSra). Currently, Cloud and Tifa run the Strife Delivery Service/pizzeria "Your delivery in 30 minutes or it's free and we'll do sexual favors for you!". Strife Delivery isn't really all that great, nor is their pizza anything special, but it's the only service in town. Though the company did have its fifteen minutes of fame back when Zack worked for them. Zack was the speediest delivery boy, unlike the perpetually late Cloud, who would be caught up in blankly gazing at the awe-inspiring barren wastelands. If you wanted a package sent -intact, no less- you asked for Zack. The company sunk back into its usual mediocrity when Zack, wanting more in life, quit his job and decided to go back to finally finish college. When Cloud isn't being late as usual, he is usually seen with Tifa in the hidden marijuana patch inside the abandoned church. Since both of them are stoned to the point of petrification, yet another half an hour elapses all too easily.
Breaking child labor laws and underage drinking laws, Tifa harbors Marlene and Denzel inside her bar 7th Heaven (her favorite TV show) and also has them work in the delivery service as well. Inside the bar, little Denzel recalls how he met Cloud. Cloud's motorcycle Gabumon was parked outside a gas station one nondescript day and Denzel had a craving for his favorite food, chocolate. Under the assumption that Cloud had a stock of chocolate, Denzel went up to the motorcycle and took Cloud's cell phone/digivice in an attempt to get some answers. Now it must be noted that Denzel goes crazy at the mere mention of chocolate, and in his frenzy accidentally released Gabumon from his motorcycle prison. Cloud got pissed and beat Denzel with his belt, and it was one of many beatings to come.
Back at the plot, Cloud was late as usual. Today he had to deliver a "Krusty Krab Pizza" to Rufus. Along the way, Cloud is attacked by three silver haired men who challenge him to a Riding Duel. Cloud accepts, using it as an opportunity to test his new fusion-based warrior deck, aptly named the Fusion Sword Deck. Unfortunately, Cloud loses track of time while playing children's card games on motorcycles. When Cloud gets to Rufus, he realizes how he forgot the drink and promises he'll go back and get it. Later, Sephiroth's brothers crash in and demand to know where Rufus was keeping all the discount Disney World passes saying they want to take their mom there for Mother's Day. Meanwhile Tifa comes in a close encounter with another one of the brothers who was ready to collect on his free sex from a previous late delivery.
Kadaj runs throughout the city in his van collecting children with promises of free candy. Cloud becomes incredibly jealous and runs after Kadaj. Upon finding all the children and free candy, Kadaj orders the kids to attack Cloud, otherwise he claims he will threaten their parents and withhold his "special surprise". Cloud then beats up a bunch of kids, taking them seriously. Just as Cloud was about to finish the massacre, Dracula apprehends him and tricks Kadaj into thinking he is Chris Hansen, halting the pedophile's schemes. It turns out that Dracula read on Sephiroth's Twitter that he was returning from his vacation in Hawaii. Also that the reason why all the kids have AIDSga is because Jenova spilled most of the Mountain Dew before she died and spiked all the remaining supply with a mix of roofies and alcohol. "So that's why we broke into Mike Tyson's mansion and stole his tiger" thought Cloud.
Back in the city, the silver haired men challenge the entire city to a duel. The trio proceed to take their turns first and summon a whole bunch of monsters including Bahamut SIN in attack mode. Axel and Rude take on Loz and Yazoo in a two on two Pokemon battle. Meanwhile Yuffie the useless ninja, Cait McDuff Sith, Cid the wife-beater, Barret T. Wallace, and Simba come to provide absolutely nothing to the battle. Rufus confronts Kadaj by putting his mom in a box and tossing it to the Box Ghost for its destruction. Cloud beats Bahamut SIN by playing 3D aerial hopscotch with him and pursues Kadaj on his motorcycle to finish the riding duel. Yazoo and Loz attempt to interfere with the duel, but Axel and Rude command their Heatran and Electrode to use Explosion. Now only Kadaj is left but unfortunately, Cloud's AIDSga acts up and starts reducing his life points until the two crash into the church. Aeris' secret stash of Mountain Dew is released and cures Cloud while harming Kadaj with its deliciousness.
Cloud wins the duel and the battle continues in his favor. Kadaj decides to affix Potara fusion earrings to his mom and himself. Cue implied incest. Not missing out from the action Sephiroth skydives from a conveniently located airplane saying that he's back from Hawaii and stronger than ever from his RnR. Sephiroth's new plan was to have everyone be infected by AIDSga and then set up a fake charity around it to make millions. With the money, Sephiroth would buy all the Mountain Dew and use it as fuel when he turns the planet into a giant Gundam. Finally, Sephiroth would pilot the Gundam and try to take over the galaxy. Cloud starts whining about how he wants his own Gundam and then segues into complaining about his life again. Sephiroth cannot take the sheer emo -the emo heard around the world- and dies, leaving Kadaj behind. Upon this, it starts raining Mountain Dew.
Aeris' voice is then heard telling Cloud to shut up because even everyone in the afterlife can hear his whining. Kadaj is mistaken and utters his last words, "Are you my mommy?". Loz and Yazoo however, as they die from the Mountain Dew, take Cloud from behind and try out what they learned in Terrorism for Kids with a bomb made of candy. Cloud awakes in nothingness near Aeris and Zack, who beat him back to the church in disgust.
Back in the church surrounded by everyone, Cloud shows the wellspring of new Mountain Dew with joy until he sees Denzel. Enraged at the sight of him, Cloud flings Denzel, but the kid lands in the pool curing his AIDSga. All the children then jump in the new community pool/drinking fountain. Only a matter of time before some kid pees in the Mountain Dew. Cloud notices Aeris and Zack in the doorway. Cloud is seeing dead people and for good reason too. The entire community decides to kill Cloud once and for all. Nobody really knows what went on from there. Tifa closed the service and smoked pot to death. Barret got a successful R&B career with Rude and that Sazh Katzroy guy. Cid finally got divorced. Simba ruled the Pride Lands. Cait Sith returned to Scotland. Dracula went to assassinate Stephanie Meyer. Axel got a deal working for Disney. And Yuffie? She was still useless. But there was pizza and Mountain Dew for everyone.
"Those idiots should have gotten a real hero -the strongest- to take care of him in the first place"
Remember on the last meeting, when we all had to sit through Advent Children again and some of us decided to do some improv fandubbing? Well, here it is fully finished. Warning, it's long.
Background from Final Fantasy VII
So there's a big stream of Mountain Dew that courses throughout all the planet. Many years ago, Jenova ordered a giant pizza for the planet to accompany the Mountain Dew, and it was very tasty, I assure you. However, during the local Oprah's book club meet, Jenova called dibs on the last slice of the pizza, but she never got it despite also winning rock-paper-scissors. She went home outraged. Now Jenova's son, Sephiroth, was an NTiT (Ninja Turtle in-Training) and losing the last slice of pizza without honoring the dibs system, shotgunning, and RPS is to him the greatest disgrace. Sephiroth decided to order another pizza for the planet, but this time he was not going to share with anyone (except maybe Mom). Not to mention, Sephiroth was also going to drink all the Mountain Dew, because all that pizza makes you thirsty.
There's a bit of a conflict regarding the planet's Mountain Dew though. Since Mountain Dew is the most refreshing soda on the planet, Rufus the Naked Mole Rat and head of Shinra wanted it all for himself. Shinra Company's plan was to trick Sephiroth into getting the Mountain Dew for them via the Disney fanclub program MOUSEKETEER. With nothing to wash down all that pizza, Sephiroth will be forced to bargain with them. This did not pan out because Sephiroth was smart enough to deceive Rufus with weaksauce Mountain Dew Code Red and horrid tasting diet Mountain Dew.
Cue the entry of the freeloading whiner and ex-Mickey Mouseketeer Cloud Strife with his party (or as he alone calls it, his "posse"). Cloud literally complained about literally wanting a slice of the pie, and everyone else on the planet wanted him to shut up. So to kill two birds with one stone, the community unanimously decided to have Cloud get Sephiroth to share by tormenting him with super emo pouting, that way nobody but the greedy Sephiroth would have to put up with it. The reason why Cloud had "friends" was to ensure he would not get distracted from his mission by things like a nearby Hot Topic or a new My Chemical Romance CD. Along the way Aeris got sent to the Shadow Realm from dueling Sephiroth, causing Cloud to power up his emo. Cloud's party did defeat Sephiroth, but the pizza got cold, the world was still just as ruined as before, and there was barely any Mountain Dew left for the pizza. To make matters worse, Cloud was still alive.
The "Plot"
Welcome to scenic Midgar, home of gray skies and the largest welfare money sinkhole on the planet. The epidemic of the day is AIDSga (stronger than AIDSra). Currently, Cloud and Tifa run the Strife Delivery Service/pizzeria "Your delivery in 30 minutes or it's free and we'll do sexual favors for you!". Strife Delivery isn't really all that great, nor is their pizza anything special, but it's the only service in town. Though the company did have its fifteen minutes of fame back when Zack worked for them. Zack was the speediest delivery boy, unlike the perpetually late Cloud, who would be caught up in blankly gazing at the awe-inspiring barren wastelands. If you wanted a package sent -intact, no less- you asked for Zack. The company sunk back into its usual mediocrity when Zack, wanting more in life, quit his job and decided to go back to finally finish college. When Cloud isn't being late as usual, he is usually seen with Tifa in the hidden marijuana patch inside the abandoned church. Since both of them are stoned to the point of petrification, yet another half an hour elapses all too easily.
Breaking child labor laws and underage drinking laws, Tifa harbors Marlene and Denzel inside her bar 7th Heaven (her favorite TV show) and also has them work in the delivery service as well. Inside the bar, little Denzel recalls how he met Cloud. Cloud's motorcycle Gabumon was parked outside a gas station one nondescript day and Denzel had a craving for his favorite food, chocolate. Under the assumption that Cloud had a stock of chocolate, Denzel went up to the motorcycle and took Cloud's cell phone/digivice in an attempt to get some answers. Now it must be noted that Denzel goes crazy at the mere mention of chocolate, and in his frenzy accidentally released Gabumon from his motorcycle prison. Cloud got pissed and beat Denzel with his belt, and it was one of many beatings to come.
Back at the plot, Cloud was late as usual. Today he had to deliver a "Krusty Krab Pizza" to Rufus. Along the way, Cloud is attacked by three silver haired men who challenge him to a Riding Duel. Cloud accepts, using it as an opportunity to test his new fusion-based warrior deck, aptly named the Fusion Sword Deck. Unfortunately, Cloud loses track of time while playing children's card games on motorcycles. When Cloud gets to Rufus, he realizes how he forgot the drink and promises he'll go back and get it. Later, Sephiroth's brothers crash in and demand to know where Rufus was keeping all the discount Disney World passes saying they want to take their mom there for Mother's Day. Meanwhile Tifa comes in a close encounter with another one of the brothers who was ready to collect on his free sex from a previous late delivery.
Kadaj runs throughout the city in his van collecting children with promises of free candy. Cloud becomes incredibly jealous and runs after Kadaj. Upon finding all the children and free candy, Kadaj orders the kids to attack Cloud, otherwise he claims he will threaten their parents and withhold his "special surprise". Cloud then beats up a bunch of kids, taking them seriously. Just as Cloud was about to finish the massacre, Dracula apprehends him and tricks Kadaj into thinking he is Chris Hansen, halting the pedophile's schemes. It turns out that Dracula read on Sephiroth's Twitter that he was returning from his vacation in Hawaii. Also that the reason why all the kids have AIDSga is because Jenova spilled most of the Mountain Dew before she died and spiked all the remaining supply with a mix of roofies and alcohol. "So that's why we broke into Mike Tyson's mansion and stole his tiger" thought Cloud.
Back in the city, the silver haired men challenge the entire city to a duel. The trio proceed to take their turns first and summon a whole bunch of monsters including Bahamut SIN in attack mode. Axel and Rude take on Loz and Yazoo in a two on two Pokemon battle. Meanwhile Yuffie the useless ninja, Cait McDuff Sith, Cid the wife-beater, Barret T. Wallace, and Simba come to provide absolutely nothing to the battle. Rufus confronts Kadaj by putting his mom in a box and tossing it to the Box Ghost for its destruction. Cloud beats Bahamut SIN by playing 3D aerial hopscotch with him and pursues Kadaj on his motorcycle to finish the riding duel. Yazoo and Loz attempt to interfere with the duel, but Axel and Rude command their Heatran and Electrode to use Explosion. Now only Kadaj is left but unfortunately, Cloud's AIDSga acts up and starts reducing his life points until the two crash into the church. Aeris' secret stash of Mountain Dew is released and cures Cloud while harming Kadaj with its deliciousness.
Cloud wins the duel and the battle continues in his favor. Kadaj decides to affix Potara fusion earrings to his mom and himself. Cue implied incest. Not missing out from the action Sephiroth skydives from a conveniently located airplane saying that he's back from Hawaii and stronger than ever from his RnR. Sephiroth's new plan was to have everyone be infected by AIDSga and then set up a fake charity around it to make millions. With the money, Sephiroth would buy all the Mountain Dew and use it as fuel when he turns the planet into a giant Gundam. Finally, Sephiroth would pilot the Gundam and try to take over the galaxy. Cloud starts whining about how he wants his own Gundam and then segues into complaining about his life again. Sephiroth cannot take the sheer emo -the emo heard around the world- and dies, leaving Kadaj behind. Upon this, it starts raining Mountain Dew.
Aeris' voice is then heard telling Cloud to shut up because even everyone in the afterlife can hear his whining. Kadaj is mistaken and utters his last words, "Are you my mommy?". Loz and Yazoo however, as they die from the Mountain Dew, take Cloud from behind and try out what they learned in Terrorism for Kids with a bomb made of candy. Cloud awakes in nothingness near Aeris and Zack, who beat him back to the church in disgust.
Back in the church surrounded by everyone, Cloud shows the wellspring of new Mountain Dew with joy until he sees Denzel. Enraged at the sight of him, Cloud flings Denzel, but the kid lands in the pool curing his AIDSga. All the children then jump in the new community pool/drinking fountain. Only a matter of time before some kid pees in the Mountain Dew. Cloud notices Aeris and Zack in the doorway. Cloud is seeing dead people and for good reason too. The entire community decides to kill Cloud once and for all. Nobody really knows what went on from there. Tifa closed the service and smoked pot to death. Barret got a successful R&B career with Rude and that Sazh Katzroy guy. Cid finally got divorced. Simba ruled the Pride Lands. Cait Sith returned to Scotland. Dracula went to assassinate Stephanie Meyer. Axel got a deal working for Disney. And Yuffie? She was still useless. But there was pizza and Mountain Dew for everyone.
"Those idiots should have gotten a real hero -the strongest- to take care of him in the first place"
